To my girls

Depression has robbed me of many things. Depression has it’s grip on me now.
What hurts most about the depression is the time it robbed me from my girls.
I wasn’t there a lot to enjoy them growing older.
I didn’t spend the time with them, the time they needed
I have little memory of the 3.5 years in heavy depression.
My only memories are sleeping all the time or the seclusion on the computer as I didn’t… Couldn’t deal with people. The kids wouldn’t understand anyway.

I look to my girls now and wonder, what if?
What if I spent those years with them
They were searching for me but I would hide.
What did I miss? What have I done?
The Bipolar highs would take me to places I shouldn’t be
And suicidal depression was sure to follow
It robbed me of the times of just holding their hands, reading to them, playing catch.
They grow up so fast and I missed a good majority of it.
Depression wrote the script and still does. I’m okay for the majority of times but it always returns to take control.
I wish time would turn backwards so I could relive those years, so I could be a father to them, but it doesn’t.
For that I am sorry girls
Love Dad