To my girls

TO MY GIRLS
Depression has robbed me of many things. Depression has it’s grip on me now.
What hurts most about the depression is the time it robbed me from my girls.
I wasn’t there a lot to enjoy them growing older.
I didn’t spend the time with them, the time they needed
I have little memory of the 3.5 years in heavy depression.
My only memories are sleeping all the time or the seclusion on the computer as I didn’t… Couldn’t deal with people. The kids wouldn’t understand anyway.

I look to my girls now and wonder, what if?
What if I spent those years with them
They were searching for me but I would hide.
What did I miss? What have I done?
The Bipolar highs would take me to places I shouldn’t be
And suicidal depression was sure to follow
It robbed me of the times of just holding their hands, reading to them, playing catch.
They grow up so fast and I missed a good majority of it.
Depression wrote the script and still does. I’m okay for the majority of times but it always returns to take control.
I wish time would turn backwards so I could relive those years, so I could be a father to them, but it doesn’t.
For that I am sorry girls
Love Dad