My life over the past month and a half has seen it’s fair share of lows brought on by personal issues, health issues and career issues. I let a lot of things get to me, I took some conversations the wrong way and took some advice given to me to the extreme. I made a mountain out of a mole hill. I let it eat at me. All the stress, all the anxiety. The mood swings, the anger. It just festered.
I hopped in the drivers seat, took the wheel away from God and began to accelerate with reckless abandon, and abandon I did. I abandoned family, my friends and my Church, I left them all. I buried myself in stuff……worthless, meaningless stuff. “Fight the Good Fight”, ya, whatever. I fought the fight, I lost the fight, I gave up. A month and a half of Hell.
Last night I chose to leave the house, probably in the worse condition I had been in all month. I parked in a familiar place, one that I was missing, shut the car off and began to contemplate something that I promised myself I wouldn’t contemplate again.
“Lead me not into temptation” my tattoo says.
I considered St. Joseph Hospital for a while but I ultimately decided to pull myself together and drive home. I spent a restless night on the couch.
Waking up and gathering my thoughts I ventured back into reality. We went to Butter Balls for breakfast…Meh, feeling better.
Knowing I wanted to spend time with my camera ( as it relaxes me ) I set out to create some images of the remaining fall colours and the fast moving water in the Creek.
So there I am, still feeling a little lousy, but trying to make the most out of my time with the camera and with nature. I had lots of time to look around and think, while the images were exposing.
So, I’m out with my camera, I’m out with nature and guess who shows up? Ya Him…..God shows up. Funny, I say, I haven’t seen Him all month, what does He want?
Have you ever seen a Salmon swim upstream? It’s pretty amazing. You should check it out. I spent some time watching the Salmon and it was well I was watching them, that it hit me. I realized that God showed up to teach me something. To get me back onto the right path and to give me some encouragement.
That fish kept pushing through the current with all it had. Sometimes it would win and it got to rest in a calm pool to the left but it would eventually fall back into the current only to have to fight again. Over and over it would fight the current, then end up back where it started. This went on for quite a few tries. Push push push……….then the current would take him back
And he would swim with all that he had, get himself into that calm pool for a bit then he’d enter the currents again. You guessed it….right back down.
It dawned on me that God was showing me the “Good Fight”, the fight that I gave up on.
The fish didn’t give up though. They are designed that way aren’t they. They know they have to give it their all to get up that stream, that’s what they do, its a part of their life cycle.
Sure there are obstacles but they work around them or over them or under them, point is, they do what they have to do to fulfill what they are called to do.
So here I am, under this bridge talking to God and I kept thinking, whats the point of fighting the”Good Fight” when you just end up back in the same spot every time….believe me, I know. I had been watching this fish now for about an hour. So I’m asking myself this, well okay I’m asking God.
His answer came after a few more up stream attempts. It was almost like the fish drank a RedBull. BAM!! He splashed out of the water ( which I didn’t capture) and with a splash he took off like a rocket.
He made some head way, he made it further up the stream, he didn’t return to the old spot. That’s when God said, “You keep fighting that Good Fight and keep your eyes on Me and you WILL succeed, the fight won’t end but if you continue to fight you’ll get that much closer to Me.
Once again He reminded me that this is all about Him and I and the relationship WE have together, not what other people think, say or do…..It’s about Him and I. Us. So often I forget that. He showed up to remind me again that he is there and has given me the Strength and Encouragement to continue the fight.
I watched that fish for two solid hours. I was rooting for that fish. I hope he continues that fight until he reaches his goal at the end.
So now I pull over and hand the steering wheel back to Christ. Let Him drive. Once again.
Here is the image that was a result of all this.